The Purity of That Moment
Poetry
Poetry
Tonya was my first love
A foster-kid,
one of many
who stole — and broke — my heart
with her innocence
and purity
I took her to McDonald’s
and she was so happy
to get a Happy Meal
yet we were both 21
that’s how young she was
I felt guilt
guilt that she didn’t have parents like I did,
parents who took her to those Golden Arches
parents who patiently waited as I begged
for a drink without “the fizz”
Guilt that she loved me
for taking her there
because I was thinking
of how evil McDonald’s was
for razing the rain forest
in the Amazon Basin
to raise cattle for burgers
My heart was divided
for I knew that my anger at McDonald’s
was driven by a deeper sense of grief
Grief for the Nature it destroyed
and the indigenous communities it upended
in the name of corporate empire
I felt guilt because I was feeding it
by feeding her,
my first true love,
and guilt because she was
Lovin’ it and so was I
that pure, innocent moment
It was a heartfelt connection, was it not?
How can I reconcile those feelings
how can I remember her happiness
and her love for me on that sunny Los Angeles day
as I saw the child in her play
when she got that Happy Set,
how can I do that
when I also know of the greed
and the destruction of lives
that build the corporate empires
which feed our children, our families, our
relationships with truly magical moments?
Almost 30 years later
and still these questions haunt me
yet I know I can hold space for
all of these feelings to co-exist
and I need not feel so deeply
into the guilt that I forget
the purity of that moment